did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
