Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize