Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
