I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
