I'll bet she douches with gravy.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Randomize
