You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
