ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize