i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
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