So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
