I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
im on a boat
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