I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
