You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
