Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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