fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
