and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
