My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
