I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Send help, water and tortillas.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
