dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
