Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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