also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
