this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
