We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
