I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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