fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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