Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize