remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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