I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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