dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
