last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
