I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
