sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
