I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
