So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So vagazzling was a success
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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