She just used a chaser for red wine.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
