Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
