dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
