So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
