dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Life is so much better after having sex.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
