Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
