So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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