i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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