don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
