and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
