That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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