I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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