why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
