I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
