Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
