smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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