We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
