big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
