There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Green mimosas i think yes
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize