I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
