Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
