So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
