and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
