Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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