I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
