She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
