Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
