I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
