also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
