please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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