I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
