I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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