Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I have already put on my inside pants.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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