Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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