pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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