Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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