She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
