I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i think my mom watched the whole time
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Randomize
