the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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