I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
