He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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