so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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